Noisy Balloonist Blog is the apprentice

Apu and Homer have been trekking for days across the Indian Himalaya. At last a building appears on a distant mountain peak.

Apu: There she is. The world’s first convenience store.

Homer: This isn’t very convenient.

Apu: Must you dump on everything we do? (1F10)

Famima!! (Glaaah!!) notwithstanding, the U.S. lacks konbini, which means there is nowhere for Americans to eat lunch, buy prophylactics and pay the gas bill in a single stop. You’ll be relieved to learn The Simpsons has rushed to aid of a grateful nation and made fans of convenience, and also The Simpsons, proud. Fox and 7-11 have spawned a dozen real-life Kwik-E-Marts across North America to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie. There are two of these converted 7-11s in L.A., stocked with eBayable Krusty-O’s, Buzz Cola, pink doughnuts, all-syrup Super Squishees and enough pleasantly befuddled onlookers to require crowd control. I know this news is so three days ago, so like the wondrous and heavily focus-grouped cross-promotion that inspired it, this post delivers added value. Check out pics of the Mar Vista location below. Each thumbnail is paired with an hi-larious Simpsons quote. Bonus Squishee if you can identify the episode without clicking the link.

Two more feet and I can fit it in the fridge! (9F11)

What what what what what what what! This better be about pizza. (2F21)


Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored beverine? Yes, I take it grey, with creamerin. (4F23)

We’re young, rich, and full of sugar! What do we do? Let’s go crazy Broadway-style! (1F06)

Man, look at all the crap with my face on it. Krusty’s personal swabs?! (5F10)

I have a crazy friend who says it’s wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy? (3F03)

Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote Ultimate Belt. (4F03)

It says here that you’ve been pre-declined for every major credit card. (2F14)

Or what? You’ll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead—do your worst! (1F16)


This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit. (3F17)

The nye Mets are my favorite squadron. (3F20)

Back now at Noisy Balloonist HQ. What with all the weekend NPR and sitting quietly, it’s amazing anything ever gets written around here. Here’s a brief peek behind the scenes.

Adding value requires a nutritious breakfast.

Product comparison. Simpsons fans demand a faithfully rendered fictional hot dog.

Research.

Break.

I bought a TV that’s bigger than God’s wang. See below for size comparison:

For those of you protesting that God is female, you’re probably right. But equipment-wise, God’s definitely a hermaphrodite. After all, she’s God.

This 37-inch, 1080p liquid crystal colossus is so fucking bright it could substitute for a lighthouse. I touched its HDMI the other day. It has two. I think it’s trying to seduce me.

I am vaguely ashamed to possess a thing that so stinks of wealth.

Digital television come in decimals, little shavings of spectrum with names like channel 7.1 and channel 52.3. I was ignorant of these new developments in fractional watching. This means I get the Funimation channel, and that’s pretty sweet. Dubbed. Bah.