Noisy Balloonist Blog is the apprentice

This is an unlikely re-post but it’s public radio, so don’t subtract any of my echo chamber credits. Listen to this manic, highly conceptual debridement of the Zac Efron tween stimulator 17 Again, as rendered by film critic Henry Sheehan on Larry Mantle’s FilmWeek on 89.3 KPCC FM. At first, fellow critic Peter Rainer wants a piece of the joke, then grows silent and finally, selflessly, steps in front of Sheehan’s mouth when he offers to send potential viewers a picture of some holes in the ground as a substitute for the film. I would have accepted a sketch.

FilmWeek on AirTalk excerpt, 4/17/08

Off-Ramp is a mildly gonzo exploration of L.A.’s artistic and cultural odds and ends, broadcast every weekend on KPCC public radio. On the May 5th edition host John Rabe talked up his new veggie Benz, a 1980 Mercedes modified to run on vegetable oil. This prompted a frothy letter from me, which John was gracious enough to excerpt on last Saturday’s (May 12) show. You can stream it from the Off-Ramp homepage or subscribe via iTunes. I’d like to think the letter serves as a decent—if, wait for it… pleonastic (!)—primer on plant fuel fundamentals. It follows:

Hello Mr. Rabe and Off-Ramp staff,

My name is Ben Calderwood. As an avid KPCC listener, longtime member, and Off-Ramp fan, I was excited to hear about your veggie oil adventures on the May 5th broadcast. I wanted to comment and was debating how nit-picky my concerns were (I realize the program has a cultural—rather than hard news—bent), but then I noticed I kind of already had. Coincidentally, I was interviewed for the Marketplace Money episode you link to on the Off-Ramp homepage [see ~89 megahertz legend ] and my remarks appear in the transcript. I figure this must be a sign, so permit me to offer some thoughts.

Straight, or virgin, vegetable oil (SVO) and waste vegetable oil (WVO) are not biodiesel (BD). While you were fairly judicious about referring to your fuel as “vegetable oil” on air, the Off-Ramp site repeatedly uses the term “biodiesel.” Biodiesel is plant-based oil (or very rarely, animal fat) that has undergone trans-esterification, a reaction designed primarily to remove glycerin and dramatically decrease* the fuel’s viscosity. The resulting product can be run in any diesel engine with no modifications whatsoever, quite unlike SVO and WVO. There are occasional exceptions like a fuel filter change (BD, like VO, will flush petro-diesel deposits from your engine) or replacing natural rubber fuel lines in older cars such as your Mercedes. In essence VO users convert the car, while BD users convert the fuel.

This nomenclature mix-up is a ubiquitous thorn in the side of alternative fuel advocates. While it may seem like mere semantics, the terms SVO/WVO and biodiesel are not interchangeable, and the distinction between them is important. First, simply because plant-based fuels are an exploding industry, and for obvious reasons incredibly topical. In this city, the world’s greatest temple to the car culture, accurate information is of paramount importance and, unfortunately, difficult to come by in virtually all media. As gas prices skyrocket and more drivers seriously consider plant-based fuels—it’s worth noting that the last time I filled up on biodiesel (May 2nd) the price was less than even 87 unleaded, no doubt generating consternation and curiosity among the SUVers—the responsibility to deliver explicitly accurate info grows.

The second reason engages a broader discussion about the long-term viability of VO and BD as genuine, mass-market alternatives to fossil fuels. SVO/WVO—and Lovecraft Biofuels in particular, who have a reputation for attracting press—have somewhat monopolized public discourse about fuel alternatives in Los Angeles. The counter-culture aesthetic, do-it-yourself approach, and relatively low up-front investment of veggie oil autos make good media stories, as does the illusory promise of “free” fuel, scavenged from your neighborhood Chinese restaurant or Mickey Ds. In fact, properly transporting, filtering, and storing waste oil requires significant time and effort, and should foreign matter or water wind up in your engine, you may wind up calling a tow truck. If WVO were ever adopted en masse, the demand for oil would promptly exceed supply. This supply-demand issue applies to virgin oil as well, further complicated by our conflicting needs for the source plants as food and fuel.

My intention is not to “debunk” SVO or WVO. Any effort to relinquish our dependence on fossil fuels is a step in the right direction, both philosophically and pragmatically, and I support the do-it-yourselfers and home-brewers. Rather, I want to help ensure that the discussion is sufficiently accurate and inclusive. I believe that when the facts above are considered, BD is the superior long-term alternative. Los Angelenos, married to their cars and notoriously loathe to change their behavior or inconvenience themselves, need a plant-based fuel as readily accessible and thought-free as gasoline. No modifications, no hauling fuel, no mess, no worry; just pay at the pump and go. This is absolutely essential for mass-market adoption. As more automakers deliver CARB-compliant diesel cars to California beginning in the 2008 model year, biodiesel is that fuel. In fact, biodiesel is already available at the pump at five Southern California locations: Brentwood, Pacific Palisades, Marina Del Rey, Ventura, and Santa Barbara. I drive a 2003 diesel Jetta exclusively on BD; never had a single problem. To be fair, as consumption increases and the multinational petro giants jump on the green fuels bandwagon, biodiesel will face supply-demand and feedstock conflicts as well. Nevertheless, ease of use and extant infrastructure that can easily accommodate BD make it the best currently available fossil fuel alternative.

Perhaps in the future you might consider taking a biodiesel car for a spin on Off-Ramp. There are numerous resources in L.A. to investigate. Kent Bullard established the Southern California Biodiesel Users Group, set up a BD co-op (originally in Marina Del Rey, now in Downtown and Torrance), and was instrumental in convincing the USA Gasoline stations mentioned above to sell biodiesel at the pump.

I have also CCed my very good friend Kumar Plocher on this email. Kumar founded and runs, along with his wife Sunny, Yokayo Biofuels in Ukiah, California, in Mendocino County. Kumar [blogging at Fueled for Thought] is a biodiesel pioneer, part of a nationwide community of activists/businesspeople committed to pursuing ecological, sustainable, responsible fossil fuel alternatives and reshaping the economics of fuel manufacture and consumption. He recently gave an interview to the Center For American Progress.

Thank you John Rabe and KPCC for your time. You are an essential part of my day and an invaluable Southern California resource. Keep up the good work.

*Thanks to Kumar for, you know, actual accuracy.

I used to joke that millennia from now, when the alien archeologists visit the remnants of earth and pry the hard drive that will represent our civilization in the cosmic annals from the uranium-impregnated soilex, the only data they’ll recover (maybe they’re amateur alien archeologists) will be a mis-punctuated blog post lamenting a recent purchase of off-brand shampoo, as the preferred stuff was out. Eons of human achievement down the drain like so much Suave Moisturizing 2 in 1.

Blog. The professorial bone in me stamps its foot (picture it) and declares, I’ll have none of this fly-by-night etymology: artificially synthesized, accelerated, casual. You can’t willy-nilly Frankenstein words together in some TCP/IP Petri dish, the bone would cry. MySpace has made you drunk with power! It’s like Botoxing the dictionary. And this is to say nothing of vlog, splog, plog, sploid, florg, and bloid.

Every time someone suggested I start one, I demurred. But you can write and you can bitch, they said with some consternation. What the hell is wrong with you? Get over yourself and blog already. But the net’s so incestuously self-referential, just link upon link upon link ceaselessly linking back to itself ad nauseam. No thank you, I replied. I’d feel like I was shouting down a well.

Welcome to Noisy Balloonist. It’s my blog. I swore I would never indulge.

One day it occurred to me that a blog would be a great platform from which to spew all manner of furious revolutionary invective. I dreamt of being the diamond to Daily Kos‘ hopper of soot. . . . Yer . . . I apologize. While the liberal chattering classes do not want for idiots, Daily Kos is alright, and I’m no diamond. Recent life events have taught me the value of tempering anger (and cutting remarks like the one above) with joy. You will find leftist rants on Noisy Balloonist, but you’ll find laughter, art, and observation in greater measure.

So I hope you enjoy my new bloid. Maybe you should grab the RSS feed so you’ll know when there’s something new; I’m dreadfully lazy. By the way, the other day they were out of Crest so I picked up a tube of Tom’s of Maine. You should really consider making the switch.