Archives - Posts tagged as 'los angeles'
Rites of…Posted March 26th
Bikini season looms in El Segundo, CA.
On my rightPosted December 28th
The horizon was so gorgeous this morning as to be almost formal, composed and painted in descending shades of blue to jog Angelenos out of their urban torpor. I don’t recall ever looking at the ocean in Southern California and seeing a vista this flawless. The air was temperate and clean. Cirrus clouds fanned an icy brilliantine across the sky, shedding just enough light to glaze the water, where, pirate latitudes-style, the swells were visible long before breaking into pristine tubes, foam streaming backwards off the lip like a miniature Pe’ahi. Far west, Santa Catalina and even distant San Nicolas Island were illuminated in hazy silhouette.
The vista was beautiful to the point of distraction, and therefore hazardous. It’s unwise to gaze at the sea while biking along Pacific Coast Highway, especially when the shoulder is crowded with surfer-mobiles and surfboards and surfers jutting into traffic, and most of the drivers are just as distracted by the spectacle as you. I pulled off the road at Castellammare to absorb the view.
Further south I rode past a Korean surfer girl with long wet hair, head tossed back, climbing out of her wetsuit like a throwback to a 1980s Juicy Fruit commercial. Some women are so beautiful it would be profane to look away. I sucked in my gut and pedaled for another 25 miles and laughed out loud, so delighted was I by this waking dream.
Trash talkPosted April 6th
Making friends dumpster-side in Westwood. Translation:
Good afternoon! Are you American? I’m Japanese!
Good afternoon! You bet I’m American! Who are you?
Retro Facebook wall in West L.A.
Transcendence, etc.Posted October 9th
Merely greasing the hinges on the doors of perception. Move along. Culver City, CA.
An inconvenience truthPosted July 6th
Apu and Homer have been trekking for days across the Indian Himalaya. At last a building appears on a distant mountain peak.
Apu: There she is. The world’s first convenience store.
Homer: This isn’t very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything we do? (1F10)
Famima!! (Glaaah!!) notwithstanding, the U.S. lacks konbini, which means there is nowhere for Americans to eat lunch, buy prophylactics and pay the gas bill in a single stop. You’ll be relieved to learn The Simpsons has rushed to aid of a grateful nation and made fans of convenience, and also The Simpsons, proud. Fox and 7-11 have spawned a dozen real-life Kwik-E-Marts across North America to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie. There are two of these converted 7-11s in L.A., stocked with eBayable Krusty-O’s, Buzz Cola, pink doughnuts, all-syrup Super Squishees and enough pleasantly befuddled onlookers to require crowd control. I know this news is so three days ago, so like the wondrous and heavily focus-grouped cross-promotion that inspired it, this post delivers added value. Check out pics of the Mar Vista location below. Each thumbnail is paired with an hi-larious Simpsons quote. Bonus Squishee if you can identify the episode without clicking the link.
Two more feet and I can fit it in the fridge! (9F11)
What what what what what what what! This better be about pizza. (2F21)
Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored beverine? Yes, I take it grey, with creamerin. (4F23)
We’re young, rich, and full of sugar! What do we do? Let’s go crazy Broadway-style! (1F06)
Man, look at all the crap with my face on it. Krusty’s personal swabs?! (5F10)
I have a crazy friend who says it’s wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy? (3F03)
Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote Ultimate Belt. (4F03)
It says here that you’ve been pre-declined for every major credit card. (2F14)
Or what? You’ll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead—do your worst! (1F16)
This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit. (3F17)
The nye Mets are my favorite squadron. (3F20)
Back now at Noisy Balloonist HQ. What with all the weekend NPR and sitting quietly, it’s amazing anything ever gets written around here. Here’s a brief peek behind the scenes.
Adding value requires a nutritious breakfast.
Product comparison. Simpsons fans demand a faithfully rendered fictional hot dog.
Research.
Break.